Couples Treatment - The Earlier the Better
Nov 22, 03:54 PM by Stewart Bloom

The last thing that most couples want to do is to get into therapy; and this is understandable. When things are going well, and there are few conflicts, couples therapy is generally not indicated anyway.

But on the other end of the spectrum are those couples experiencing significant and chronic conflict which has gone untreated for years before something occurs which generates a call for help. By this time, in many instances, the dysfunctional behavioral and communication patterns are often indelibly imbedded in the relationship.

Does this mean that positive change can’t occur? No, not at all. But I have found that the longer dysfunctional patterns in relationships go unaddressed, the less resiliant the couple is, in terms of making changes, and the less hopeful and motivated participants are to work for a better relationship.

My style of providing couples treatment is to identify with the couple dysfunctional patterns in the relationship; including communication, intimacy and trust issues, and conjointly developing a series of exercises or activities that are specifically designed to improve and align these aspects of the relationship.

Many troubled couples have physically and emotionally detached over the years and have actually come to live separate lives. There is more of a sense of tolerance rather than alliance. Intimacy diminishes or becomes perfunctory. In this stage, some couples may argue continuously and others may just stop talking. A sense of hopelesness sets in.

More often than not, it’s at this juncture that many couples decide to start treatment. Sometimes an event prompts the call. It could be something as dramatic as an affair, or it could be that the detachment and sadness becomes overpowering. Everyone has their own reasons for coming in. And when they do, I regard that decision very seriously, and expect my clients to do the same.

Since my practice is largely dedicated to coules counseling, I’ve been able to observe the referral paterns for couples. As I indicated earlier, most couples come in a little late in the game, and this affects the treatment plan and process. In these instances, I typically need to spend more time working to help the couple to practice new ways of relating to each other, as they are so accustomed to their existing syles, as unproductive as they may be. Additionally, after a number of years, even if there has not been a significant violation in the relationship, the sense of trust has usually diminished, and the value of trust needs to be reinforced and demonstrated. These exercises may be time-consuming as well.

As you can see, there are a host of things that need to happen for the relationship to begin to flourish again; and this can only occur through the hard work of the individuals in the relationship. Couples counseling is very different from individual therapy in that it is a very active process, in which the majority of the work takes place outside of the session. A couple who experiences the maximum benefit of therapy is one who is dilligent and disciplined enough to consistently practice the tasks identified in the treatment. So in some ways, I see myself as a coach and motivater in this process, and not your conventional counselor.

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